Another first

He put the movie into the DVD player and I sat myself down on his couch. I was impressed by all his nice furniture - I knew I wasn't going to get a new couch or bed when I moved out for the second part of university. He came over and sat next to me an we started to watch the movie.

Of course, neither of us cared about the movie. We had already seen one earlier this afternoon, but obviously this was all just a pretense to spend more time together. We held our bodies next to each other and we held hands. It's like we were two kids on their first date in middle school. I never got the chance to go on a date with someone at that age, but I could tell this was the exact awkward feeling most teenagers had at that age. Eventually, I lied down with my head on his legs.

I didn't have the courage to initiate the first of most moves. Up until then, I had only made out with women, which I really don't count as much. I was nervous and shy, even though I clearly had no reason to be. We knew each other and it was obvious we thought pretty positively of one-another.

Him, on the other hand, had done this plenty of times. He put his hands on either side of my face and we kissed. Corny or lame as it sounds, I was actually pretty surprised. None of this felt natural to me. The image of teenage "love" kept coming back into my mind. I laughed.

That's right, I laughed after we kissed for the first time. It's a pretty annoying impulse that I still have to today: if I feel awkward about a situation I automatically laugh. It doesn't matter what happened, I just laugh.

He gave me a funny look, but didn't decide to give up. We started making out and feeling each other. He lied down next to me and we took turns rolling on top of the other. Our belts were getting in the way, so we took them off. I loved touching him all over. There's no reason for me to lie: he had an amazing body. Solidly cut abs, tanned skin, nice muscle, very short black hair with a bit of stubble and black eyes that disappeared when he smiled or laughed. The whole dark and cute look really gets me.

I don't know how much time passed, but eventually I picked him up and carried him to his bedroom. We kissed more and then I pushed him backwards onto the bed. I got on top of him and lifted him by the base of his arms to better position him under me.

"I love how our bodies fit perfectly into each other," he said.

You all know what he meant by that, or at least I hope. Both of you facing each other, your legs intertwined, with half your body on the other person and the other half on the bed. Each with one arm around the other. The way puzzle pieces fit together perfectly.


Some more time passed.

"Shit, what time is it. I have to leave for a concert at 9", I said.

We look over at the clock - 9:05. He looks over at me with his big black eyes,
"No, wait, the clock's fast,"

He grabs the clock and changes the time to 8:50. I look back in this eyes and his big smile.

So cute.

------

Alicia: "What's up? You seem really excited for the concert."

Me: "Ya, I am. But I also just spent the last 4 hours making out with this guy"

Alicia: "Damnit, why does this never happen to me."

Xav appears.

Xav: "Hey guys, thanks for waiting for me. Wow Thomas, you sure are smiling a lot."

Me: "Hehe, yup."

-----

A while ago, Justin of Guy from Chicago said that his couch is always the starting point of something good. I remember that because it is so true. Almost every genuine, good moment I've had with other guys always starts on a couch.
I hope you all own a good couch.

Something to miss

For the last few days, I've been feeling a little more sentimental or emotional than usual. I've noticed myself falling more into daydreams about being held by or holding some other guy in my arms. Some of the songs I listen to seem to also be hitting a heart-chord inside of me. A few days ago, I saw two young guys holding hands downtown and a part of me completely melted inside, thinking "Aw, they're ssssooooo cute". Normally, only a basket full of kittens could do that me.

Feeling like this isn't bad, but it does remind me that I'm not currently seeing anyone. It's not that I regret being single - my self esteem doesn't really come from dating/being in a relationship. I consider myself a pretty happy guy, whether I'm single or seeing someone. But I think you all understand that feeling you have, when you know someone likes you and you're seeing them. There's a recognition of something similar in the both of you. I'm having trouble expressing in words what I mean...it's like a feeling of having a little extra. You're not lacking anything when you're single, but when you're with another person there's, like, a little more of everything. It's not love specifically, since I think that develops with time. It's more like closeness and sharing.


I think my state relates a lot to missing the intimacy and the comfort of being with another guy:
Myself and the other guy spooning on the couch, with the sides of our faces touching. Feeling the tiny stubble against my cheek and the warmth of his skin, as we slowly rub our faces together. Our legs are intertwined and our socks are off so we can feel each our bare feet. One of us has his arms around the other. We can feel each others' heart beats. One turns around to kiss the other. Small little pecks across the face and a longer kiss on the lips. One turns into two and then three and four. A hand slides up and down over the chest. The big spoon slowly rocks into the little spoon. We cradle like a single person. Nothing but whispers and sighs. It doesn't have to turn into anything else. Everything in the world seems perfect for just that moment.

That is what I miss.