Homesick

Alicia, over the phone: What are you doing?

Me: I'm in the library, trying to get some work done...but I'm not feeling up to it...

Alicia: How come?

Me: I miss my friends back home. I'm looking through their facebook profiles. There was a birthday party for one fo them and I wish I was there.

Alicia: I guess the photos they posted look like lots of fun?

Me: Ya, they were in a bar and starting drawing on everything...

Alicia: Hmmm....I'm assuming this is someone only you really appreciate.

Me: Probably.

This was drawn by Mike. It says rigamortis boner. I laughed a lot.
This IS probably something only I find funny.

Facebook always makes everyone seem like there having such a fun amazing time, even though that's only because people post fun photos of each other/themselves.

Scratch that - some people post very boring things on facebook too. Their profiles tend to make me cringe.

Goodbye Little Girl

UUUhhhhh... the last few days have been pretty bad. My family had to say goodbye to our cat, although I would be very justified in saying we had to say goodbye to my cat.

I don't expect people to understand how close we were to her. If you've never owned a pet, you shouldn't understand. If you're not a cat person, then maybe you just don't get it either.

The whole thing was heartbreaking. Over a quick period of 1.5 weeks, my cat went from healthy and normal to barely eating and no longer purring. In a span of a night, two days ago, I woke up to a cat who had lost the ability to walk despite her best efforts to come over to me in the morning. A visit with the veterinarian confirmed she had only a few days to live. Her inability to eat just led to her body failing on her. She wasn't hurting. She just didn't have the energy to function.

We cried; and I cried. She was our one-and-only pet and we've had her since I was 5 years old. Time made it clear that her and I were best friends. My love of all things animal-related stems from her. She would hangout and bug me like no other member of our family. The beginning of her day was quick look out the window and then coming to wake me up. Random, wonderful moments in my life were created by her. She was also a comfort to me when times were not so light.

Tears come to me when I think that 2 nights ago was the last time I would lie on my couch, with her cuddled between my arm and torso. Her head would roll and butt into my side, for warmth and shade from the light. One of her paws would be rested over my body, half as a hug and half to make sure I wasn't about to move away. If she still could have at the time, she would have been purring up a storm.

My brothers, who were in town for Easter, all came around yesterday to say their goodbyes. Everyone's eyes were red from grief. When my Mum and I agreed, I lied her onto my lap for one last moment. Had I not needed crutches, I would have taken her up in my arms and walked her around house and out back so that she had the chance to see each spot one last time - each favorite hangout and hiding place of her. We then put her in the carrying cage and brought her to the local vet hospital for her final destination.

I'm lucky because I've never really felt the death of someone extremely close to me, who I've known for years and makes daily or routine differences in my life...until now. Some might see that title as reserved only for human family members and close friends, but she is that to me. Today was my first full day without her and I sure did notice. Moving around the house, I haven't spotted her and I haven't sat down next to her for a few minutes worth of petting and canoodling. Those little moments were some of the strongest potentiators for my positive moods.

And now all these good things, made by one little good thing are done and gone.

Like all things, I will improve, but not just yet.

I'm gonna publish this post now, because I can go on forever and the keyboard's getting a little wet from tears.

Laughing To Myself

While I was showering this afternoon, I burst out laughing from remembering how I tackled my lady-friend in a bar, yesterday, and began humping her, while lying on the floor.

Two days go, I literally could not stop laughing for 15 minutes because I thought up the lamest/most wonderful joke, while showering.

I can distinctly remember two months ago when my laughing was so loud and long, that my Mom confronted me after I showered because she thought I was crying.

I love that I get so easily entertained by my own thoughts. Like you probably noticed, I chose examples of only showering because that's a moment I have just about everyday in which my mind doesn't get focused on anything in particular, so it has the chance to just wander. This doesn't only happen when I'm cleaning myself - my mind thinks up these hilarious and weird situations all the time when I'm doing really mundane stuff: washing the dishes, making lunch, riding the bus. There is no doubt in my mind that I've been pegged as the crazy dude on the bus a few times, when I start chuckling to myself for no visible reason.

This post isn't going on any real trajectory. I just felt like saying that I am really thankful for these ways I keep myself so entertained and in good humor. I would hope everyone does this.

I had forgotten..

It's funny how easily you can forget something that is taken for granted. A normal routine of mine has put me in this exact situation a few times this winter. I had no idea that I forgot what it was or that it was missing in the first place.

I'd be outside, making my way to the bus stop or walking around and then I'd get that strange feeling. Hmmm, what is this sensation...? It's...warm... I look down at body and focus on the source of this warmth: my hand.

The bare skin of my hand is lit-up yellow. I look up for the source, and I can see the sun.

Aaahhh, that's what it is. The sun shining on my hand.

I had forgotten what sunlight feels like.


Hahaha, yup. I forget what the sun feels like. Its happened a few times this winter too - each time the direct sunlight on my skin is so momentary and yet fleeting, that I forget about it soon after.

Montreal, and this general latitude, is by far not a land of perpetual night. My schedule of often working from home and only leaving by mid/late afternoon means I'm just never outside when it's sunny. Assuming it's not cloudy/snowing (which seems to have coincided with any adventure outside), I'm only outside in the failing light of 4pm. My lifestlye (and random chance) has practically made me avoid sunlight for 2 months!

I'm like the whitest whitey who ever whited right now.

So really, I didn't do anything

Instead of going over what I did, from hour to hour and day to day, of my week-long trip in Washington DC and New York, how about I just list the good things/fun things I noticed, overheard or learned?


Ya, I think that would be the best idea too.

Don't take anything I say seriously. Some of what I say is just a split-second, baseless observation...kind of like when some DC friends visited me here, in Montreal, and stereotyped the tiniest things to being cultural norms in the city: like everyone eats green apples, because they saw 4 people doing that when they first got off the train.

Okay, well, here we go:

- In DC, people only wear black coat/pants combos. They might have been born with them.

- NY is always cold. Subways, restaurants, lobbies, hostel rooms, cafes...no one uses heating.

- I get overlly excited when I find unintentionally-Canadian themed paraphernalia in the US.


- According to some gay man, when I'm bored and rudely listening to other peoples' conversations: "I have this theory about Black butts and German butts: they're shaped the same and that's why we both like Hugo Boss".

- The Manhattan "express" subway trains can go blow themselves.

- The DC metro makes me feel like I'm in the future.


- A Girl: "Oh, I'm sorry sir we're all out of soup... Ooohh, it looks like I just broke your heart." Yes. Yes she did.

- Calzones are fucking delicious.

- Crazy people live in "fenced-communities" in Georgetown, a.k.a. Alicia's parents.

- I should have never left Brooklyn.

- All Japanese backpackers yell out, in an extremely stereotypical accent: "Oh No! He is Sumo!" when I lift their bags up two flights of stairs, since they apparently have no muscles.

- I am never a threat, according to the US border guards. The Latina woman sitting near me, however, is always a threat to national security.

- Free Los Campesinos! concerts are extra special.


- People who commute 2 hours in the morning and then evening, to get to/from work in New York, are nuts.

- I have no shame about being creepy and taking a [bad] photo of an unsuspecting stranger, whom I think is hot. What got me? He has a an even layer of stuble, he was pretty intense into reading his book, and had eyes that made he look like a lost puppy. So cute.


- Everyone outside of DC hates everyone in DC. Vice-versa as well.

- Large amounts of fun can be had with 2$ kids gloves and a giant, hollow chocolate Santa for 95% off.

Hair and Halloween

Halloween's Broken Social Scene concert was amazing and the bar-hopping afterward was at the same level. I met up with Xav, Tim and another dude to go from bar-hopping, having 1 shot or 1 beer and then going to the next place. 8 bars later, we arrived in the middle of no-where to find a mechanical-bull machine! I've never seen one before but it was a lot of fun. We later got invited to a stranger's apartment (they just invited us in when walking by) and I only ended up getting home for 6am. My 10:30 am meeting that morning didn't go so well.

I'm happy with my new short haircut too. The bartender from the mechanical-bull bar gave me four free beers, so the hair must have worked. He wasn't particularly good-looking, but free beer is free beer!

I'll have to thank the my haircutter for this. When I got my hair cut 2 days ago, he let me in on a little secret:

"You know, after the first time you came to me 2 years ago, I decided you act too straight. So for 2 years I've been subtly making your hair more and more gay."

Thanks Mr. Haircutter!

Little Old Lady

"Sais-tu c'est quoi un ange?"

"Toi. T'es un ange"

I like to believe that little acts and memories can stick with a person and impact them greatly. I feel stupid pulling out this cheesy line but a little bit of kindness can go a long way.

A year and a half ago, I was walking through the rain with my umbrella to the metro. A little old lady was standing under the roof of the metro entrance. She looked over at me and raised her arm, to signal that she wanted to speak to me. She asked if I could walk her across the street, under my umbrella. Thinking nothing much of it, I let her put her arm around mine and I walked her across the street to the church she was heading to.

As we're getting to the other side, she looks up and at me and asks,

Do you know what an angel is?

Immediately I think Oh god, some Jesus freak who wants to get me into church. She quickly cuts my silent thought:

It's you. You're an angel.

She then pulls her arm away from me and walks into the church.

I was actually a little bit stunned. What I had interpreted as the beginning of some crazy lecture in saving my soul, turned into a really touching (and sappy) compliment. Well, the little old lady's charm worked on me and I was really touched. Touched enough to remember it on my way back from the concert tonight.

It's little things like this that I like to believe can make someone's day and make them feel a little better. From my point of view, it's surprising how tiny, meaningless events can really change a person's mood and become so memorable. I hope there are a few people out there who have been touched by a little thing I've done for them once as well.

I included the French version of what she said, since it just sounds a lot better to me than the translation. Don't worry, my next post won't be so sappy and (hopefully) cute.