Goodbye Little Girl

UUUhhhhh... the last few days have been pretty bad. My family had to say goodbye to our cat, although I would be very justified in saying we had to say goodbye to my cat.

I don't expect people to understand how close we were to her. If you've never owned a pet, you shouldn't understand. If you're not a cat person, then maybe you just don't get it either.

The whole thing was heartbreaking. Over a quick period of 1.5 weeks, my cat went from healthy and normal to barely eating and no longer purring. In a span of a night, two days ago, I woke up to a cat who had lost the ability to walk despite her best efforts to come over to me in the morning. A visit with the veterinarian confirmed she had only a few days to live. Her inability to eat just led to her body failing on her. She wasn't hurting. She just didn't have the energy to function.

We cried; and I cried. She was our one-and-only pet and we've had her since I was 5 years old. Time made it clear that her and I were best friends. My love of all things animal-related stems from her. She would hangout and bug me like no other member of our family. The beginning of her day was quick look out the window and then coming to wake me up. Random, wonderful moments in my life were created by her. She was also a comfort to me when times were not so light.

Tears come to me when I think that 2 nights ago was the last time I would lie on my couch, with her cuddled between my arm and torso. Her head would roll and butt into my side, for warmth and shade from the light. One of her paws would be rested over my body, half as a hug and half to make sure I wasn't about to move away. If she still could have at the time, she would have been purring up a storm.

My brothers, who were in town for Easter, all came around yesterday to say their goodbyes. Everyone's eyes were red from grief. When my Mum and I agreed, I lied her onto my lap for one last moment. Had I not needed crutches, I would have taken her up in my arms and walked her around house and out back so that she had the chance to see each spot one last time - each favorite hangout and hiding place of her. We then put her in the carrying cage and brought her to the local vet hospital for her final destination.

I'm lucky because I've never really felt the death of someone extremely close to me, who I've known for years and makes daily or routine differences in my life...until now. Some might see that title as reserved only for human family members and close friends, but she is that to me. Today was my first full day without her and I sure did notice. Moving around the house, I haven't spotted her and I haven't sat down next to her for a few minutes worth of petting and canoodling. Those little moments were some of the strongest potentiators for my positive moods.

And now all these good things, made by one little good thing are done and gone.

Like all things, I will improve, but not just yet.

I'm gonna publish this post now, because I can go on forever and the keyboard's getting a little wet from tears.