How should I sum up my 1.5 weeks in Austin? Pretty damn fun. SXSW was great. I have a list of 10-15 bands, who's music I need to download. I got to travel around Austin and the region near the city, with Oldest Brother. We did lots of outdoor rock-climbing, along with checking out some great food joints (I now luv TexMex) and cool natural scenery (I'm not used to the whole semi-arid environment so it was fun exploring).
At first we had trouble connecting as siblings or friends, as I described in this post, but the situation really improved over the final 3 or 4 days. Our personalities sort of molded together - or maybe I'm being a bit full of myself and centric but I think his personality pretty much shaped itself to mine - and I really had fun just talking with him and enjoying his company.
I also said in the previous post I was looking to hook-up. Well, mission accomplished too. Nope, I'm not talking about those details.
Now comes the more serious question: did I tell him I was gay?
Welllllllllll........
I tried. I really tried.
It was tough. It came down to the last night I was in Austin (I hadn't wanted to say it before because I didn't think we were becoming friendly enough) and I just couldn't find a good way to broach the subject. I didn't want to just throw the information at him, without giving him a chance to mull it over and ask questions. I didn't want to just say that, and then catch my flight the next morning without further conversation about it all. I suppose it can be said that I waited until too late, but I definitely wouldn't have wanted to tell him during the first week of my visit either.
I've been told by friends and read online that there's never a actual good moment to blurt out "I'm Gay", unless someone directly asks you. I definitely felt that way. I tried to push a conversation about our family and relationships and how we never talk about them, but Oldest Brother quickly just told me that it's awkward and that how are we really suppose to talk about it? With my friends and I, we can talk about any one's boyfriend/girlfriend as much as we want, but I understood Oldest Brother. He would never share the inner thoughts and going-ons between himself and his girlfriend - at least not to any family member.
I suppose some of you might think I chickened out, because I was afraid. Maybe, but I think that would only be a half truth, if even that. My brother and I needed to get close; that took time. There's no way to have rushed that. I just needed a right moment, even if there's never a good moment to say it.
Surprisingly, I'm not disappointed with the outcome. I don't see it as a personal failure, but, again, just not having the right moment.
I'll just have to jump at the next opportunity. We did speak a lot about his future job and Oldest Brother did say he's 90% sure he's moving back to Quebec because he's tired of living in the US and he wants to be closer to his girlfriend. So not too far from now, I might be typing down some more posts of my next attempt at dropping the gay bomb on him.
1 comment:
I'm sure you'll have "the talk" with your bro when the time is right.
PS - LuLu!
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