Tallness

Going to Chinatown for dragon beard candy is perfect for making me feel extremely & awkwardly tall.

Crushing

I've never been the type to crush over my male friends. In my mind, there's always been an invisible separation of my straight male friends from guys in general (whether straight or gay) that I find attractive. I've even asked some of my female friends why so many women find some of my friends attractive, because I just didn't really understand why people thought they were hot. Don't take that the wrong way: no, I don't think I don't consider myself a model compared to their raggedy-ass selves. My brain just doesn't consider my guy friends in terms of hot or not.

The funny thing, though, is that over the 2 day period of our camping trip, I really started to understand why Kieran's girlfriend finds him so attractive. His pro-active attitude, his handyman demeanor, his joking mind and yes, his nicely muscled body. Who couldn't like short blond hair, stubble of a short blond beard and light blue eyes? When we were lying next to each other in the tent, the thought did cross my mind that I'd love to just throw my arms over him, snuggle up and make-out.

Kieran

Oh Kieran, you're so bad at taking photos

Nothing other than a strong friendship will ever occur between Kieran and I. I know that and I am very happy with this. I thought it was just a funny, and odd moment for me to actually be crushing on a close friend of mine.

PS-1: Thank god I'm not some gay guy with delusions of converting his very straight friends

PS-2: Oh god, I'm actually blushing from admitting to myself that I felt attracted to him during our trip! Bah, it's not my fault. He was shirtless most of the time anyway!

Weeeeee!

Let's add some happy music to preface by below post.


Cut Off Your Hands - Happy As Can Be

Couldn't Have Asked For More

Camping with Kieran was the best choice I could have made.

Turns out the place we had found last year wasn't nearly as good as this place. 5 hours from Montreal, lost on some backwater dirt roads, untouched by electrical line, running water, we found a a perfect little piece of natural heaven. God, I love the Canadian Shield.

And to think, had we chosen to not ignore the Pont Barré: Danger! (Bridge Closed: Danger!) sign warning that the wooden bridge was highly unstable, we would have never found the place!

There were giant, gaping holes at each corner of the bridge.
Someone had tried to make their own wood & nail repairs too.

There was a perfect space for our tent and fire. Just beyond the threshold of plants was the wonderful river, with giant polished rocks, fed by a mini-waterfall and double set of rapids. We even had a natural sand beach and cliff overlooking the area.

Looking out at the upper rapids

Our first thing was to throw on our life jackets, jump into the river current and ride down some small rapids. If you lie back, with the tips of your feet sticking out of the water (use those abs!) you slide straight over the rocks...well usually. My ass bounced off one and is still a bit sore.

View from the cliff

The whole two days were spent eating hotdogs on the fire, exploring our land, reading and hanging out. I'm pretty sure Kieran thought the no-stress getaway was a success.


We decided to leave a little marker to show that we had been there: we made a [very crappy] Inukshuk. I realize that the region has no relation to this Inuit cultural creation, and that ours is a white man's poor attempt at making one, but I still love it. It's named Sammy; Sammy the Inukshuk.

You probably need to click on the picture to really see it...

I'm now sun burnt, a little chewed up from bugs bites, but very happy. My feet also didn't hurt one bit while I was there.

This place is going to be a wonderful little secret for our group of friends.

A Camping We Will Go

And camping it is!

Let's all assume that because Justin commented on my previous post, absolving me of the potential guilt of not letting my feet rest at home, this little camping adventure is justified. Thank you Mr. Guy From Chicago!

Kieran has told me that the theme of the next 2 days will be no stress. It shouldn't be too tough, since it's only us two. For some reason, no one else has a job that's as flexible with getting time off as us...suckers.

Kieran's university undergraduate convocation passed (that means he graduated!), so one would think that he'd have nothing much to stress over. Of course that is a mistake, because his severely depressed-closeted-wacko Dad decided not to attend the ceremony or even recognize Kieran for the last few months. Unfortunately timed uprisings of crazy have also stricken other close friends/family members/girlfriend of his, so he just wants to get away for two night.

I'll make sure that Kieran has no choice but to relax. If not, it'll be another axe to his head.


...I'm only somewhat joking about the ax part.

Snapped

The last few days have not seen my mind in a positive head space. My days were spent focusing on work or brimming with anger and frustrations at the lack of feet-healing progress. You can probably imagine that the rage has taken precedent over concentrating at the job. Luckily for me though, co-workers and customers seem to be really entertained by my bitter, sarcastic comments.

Yesterday was the last day I was going to stand for it though. I could not go another day of sitting on my ass, brooding and doing nothing.

So I got on my bike and peddled. Hard. I just wanted to punish my feet, and get this anger out of me.

I had forgotten that all this non-exercise has turns my calves and thighs to weak jelly. The Me of last-summer could have biked for 2 hours, without getting much of a sweat. The Me of today could last 15 minutes before the knees were sore.

I eventually got back home, lied down, and awaited what I assumed would be my well-deserved reward of pain in my feet. It eventually throbbed its way in, but you know what? It wasn't that bad.

Come this morning, my feet are a little more tender, but it just isn't that bad. Even though my family doctor have given me a run-around on why this pain exists (i.e. he have no clue what's the problem), this gives me some hope that I'm slowly getting better.


Upon hearing this news, Kieran has invited me camping next week.

So a choice must be made next week: I should stay home, relax and keep taking it easy, BUT I want to go camping.

We've been to the spot before...and it's amazing.

Brazilians and Barbara

Friend's friend: Oh god, I love Misstress Barbara! There's no chance of me missing the next time she's at Piknik Électronik !

Me: I'm sorry to be a hater, here, but I saw her two years ago at a club and she was absolutely awful. I don't get why people say she's so amazing.

Misstress Barbara - I'm Running

Since that conversation on Friday (I actually briefly left my house! And my feet regretted it the next 2 days!), I decided to check up on that Misstress Barbara. It seems that she has pleasantly surprised me. Her new track (above) is pretty good. I'm actually excited to buy download her new album.

The only reason I did go to that Misstress Barbara performance, 2 years ago, was because of this really cool lesbian, Brazilian, exchange student whom Alicia and I met at our university. She told us it would be the greatest night of our lives. Although the music disappointed, just seeing this friend was entertainment enough. Brazilian stereotypes do stand true. They're hot in every possible manner: their looks, their style, their moves and their words.

As I recall, my Brazilian friend put her hands up in the air and used them like human antennas, to find the perfect place in the room where the sound from every speaker was just right. My ears are shot, but apparently she could feel the difference enough to locate the club's sweet spot, before busting out her moves.

Man, Brazilians actually have 3 parents: a Mom, a Dad, and Music. I takes all 3 to nurture one of those super babies.

I've wondered about whatever happened to her. She obviously went back to Brazil, but I'd be surprised if she isn't gallivanting across the world right now. Nothing could stop that wild one. She was always encouraging me to follow her lead and to hook up with lots of strangers. According to her, I wasn't living life and going wild enough for her! I prefer to think that I live it up, even if I don't look to physically throw myself at anyone...although it's been known to happen.

Of course, she only ever told me this after she finally accepted I was gay and gave up on thinking that Alicia and I were actually dating.

Quick Add

And just to add to my previous post: if any potential new friends look like this, then perfect. Just perfect.

Things A Changing

I've put off writing about this, because it's hard to really express it in any sort of concrete way. Because of the foot/feet injury, I've been progressively thinking about it more and more, so the right words are only really coming to me now. To put it simply: my friends, and I, are changing.

For the last 6 months, my circle of friends and relationships have been shifting. This change in paradigm isn't so much due to me, per se, but due to everyone who makes up my network of friends. Each person plays their own little part in this.

This sort of situation comes as no surprise to anyone older than myself. For those older folks (old being a relative word to my age of 23), they can look back and hopefully see that their personalities have changed from when they were in high school, to university/college, to fresh into the workforce and on. It's funny to think that at a given, immediate moment, you never really imagine that you will be different in 2 or 3 years: your preferences, your hopes and your interests. But that's just how living is. As you change, so do the things you do. Things you once had in common with others disappear, and it slowly (or maybe quickly) becomes obvious that you don't want to see those previous friends anymore.

So it comes down to my friends changing. Some brief examples would be that Tim and Xav have equally become indifferent to seeing Mike. Xav has actually openly said he finds most of our mutual friends to be very boring. Tim, in his part, has said that I'm probably one of his closest friends right now (which oddly enough unsettles me).

My worries start to kick in at this point in the thought process: and then there's me changing. I've noticed the number of people I would call-up to hang out one-on-one, without any second thought, is shrinking. Some people just don't interest me anymore; the lines of our lives are diverging. As Xav said, the love of some peoples' lives now disinterest me. I have many acquaintances, that I thoroughly enjoy seeing and having fun with, but I don't consider them good friends. To put it a different way: I have many Group Friends but fewer One-on-One friends.

To rectify this developing problem, I need to add some new connections in my network of friends. I don't need to strengthen some old/weak connections, but form new ones altogether. I need to meet new people, that don't already know my friends; fresh blood, if you will.

Over the next year, there may well be a change in my current good friends. Tim, you're great, but sitting around your uncomfortable apartment is boring. Kieran, you're awesome, but you need to actually go out at night some times. Xav, I always have the most original and fun times with you, but you need to try and be social with my friends. Alicia: leave Australia. Liz: stay the way you are. Mike: I still consider you a friend, but you are essentially just an acquaintance now.

This summer will hopefully see me trying new stuff and hopefully meeting new people.

Chuckle

Xav: I always know that you're about to tell me about one of your "I'm a bastard because..." stories or statements, since they always begin with a low laugh or chuckle to yourself. Those are always the best stories/statements too.

It's so damn true.

Wonderful Generic Memories

Hey, who is this?, Mom says as she points at a person's picture, that's part of one of those multi-photo picture frames we have in my family's house.

Hmmm, I don't really know.... is my replay. I briefly glance at the picture, as I walk past her and it. If I stopped next to her, she would notice I'm trying to mask a suspicious smile.

I thought you're the one who put all those pictures in the frame, I add from the other room.

Wait a second, who are any of the people in these frames!?, she yells out.


I try to hide my snickering, but obviously she can hear me.

Thomas, what have you done!? She has a big smile.

I look over to her, with a big smirk.

Well, about 6 months ago I noticed one of the slots in the frame was missing a photo, so I found some generic picture of a happy family and inserted it into the slot. A week or two after that, no one noticed the complete strangers in the frame. Soon after that, I decided to then take out all our family photos and replace them with generic pictures I found in magazines.

Laughing, I walk over to my desk, open up a drawer and pull out a small stack of pictures.

Hahaha, are you serious!?, she picks up the stack of photos. Wait, these couldn't have all gone in that one frame!

My smile grows. Yup, look at the other ones in the hall.

That is when my Mom noticed she had been walking through the same hallway, everyday for 5 months, without realizing all the family picture frames were filled with photos of generic actors having generically enjoyable moments with their generic families.

Dutch Rutter

Let's all learn about the Dutch Rutter!:

Zack & Miri Make a Porno is a very underrated movie.