No One Actually Takes Baths There

Let me start off this experience with a preface: bathhouses in general creep me out. Random sex with strangers, no knowledge at all about the STD status of partners and just the whole unreal environment of public sex is definitely not for me. In Montreal, there are 20-30 bathhouses. They mostly cater to "straight" tourists who come here to cheat on their wives and then go home, although there's obviously a big "out-gay" presence there. An acquaintance that works for the CLSC in the Gay Village says that half the people who test positive for an STD and whom also openly self-identify as being gay/queer say they go to bathhouses. (CLSC is a government-run public health clinic that does a lot of things, including free STD tests)

So, a few weeks ago I went to a bathhouse.

The subject of bathhouses came up in a conversation with Guy-I'm-dating; he wondered if I had ever gone to one. My answer was no, since random hook-ups with strangers is not my thing - that and STDs ain't my cup of tea. Knowing me, he was amazed that I had never even ventured into one to see the wacky world that's held inside. If I like to speak past security guards to illegally explore industrial buildings, how could I not just pay 5 bucks to see what's going on in a bathhouse?

From that, he decided we were going to a bathhouse in Quebec City. It took him a while to sell me on the idea, but I eventually caved. We weren't going there to fool around with anyone or even each other, it was just so that I knew what went on inside those walls. He also wasn't hoping to push me into anything beyond that, since I know he's also pretty nervous of unsafe sex and diseases.


If you've ever seen adds for bathhouses, they're all pretty much along the lines of the above pic: the hot, young dude in a towel. I love them because I like to pretend that some people genuinely believe that bathhouse patrons look like that. I, on the other hand, am not tricked so easily. In fact, I can now confirm it's nothing like that.

We walked into the bathhouse around 11pm. The cashier said a few sentences in French, then immediately switched to perfect English when he realized that our accents were from out of town. Hearing perfect English (or English at all) in Quebec City is rare, unless it's a business aimed at tourists. Stereotype confirmed: bathhouses are for people from out of town.

Guy-I'm-dating took the lead in exploring, since he had been in bathhouses before and clearly sensed I was uncomfortable. Straight from the start, an older guy was following us. As we both changed in the lockeroom, he quasi-watched us from around the corner, while masturbating himself. As we checked out the 3 levels of the building, he followed us. We sat in the dry sauna for a bit; the guy felt the need to hangout there too, though he seemed to cut out the masturbating a bit...but not giving up completely.

I thought it was creepy, but at the same time I knew this was all sort of normal for a bathhouse (damn you Queer As Folk!). People play the subtle game of trading glances before hooking up with one-another. They follow one-another, play hard-to-get, and get comfortable that way before hooking up - it's just the way it is.

I felt a little bad for the guy though. It's not because he's was in a bathhouse, but instead because he never had a chance with Guy-I'm-dating or myself that night. Oh, we're such [unintentional] teases! We weren't there for fooling around, but even if we were we'd probably want to do the deed with someone close to our age, skinny and good-looking, as opposed to some fat, ugly guy who's the same age as my dad. He wasn't the only guy who fell into that category though. From my perspective, everyone there was old, out of shape and ugly. Stereotyped confirmed: bathhouses are filled with older, not-so-pretty men.

After 20 minutes of refusing eye contact and ignoring him, he gave up. We found his "brother" in the wet sauna, whispering weird things to us although we didn't stick around enough to really understand. Instead, we hung out in the jacuzzi for 20 minutes and watched the strangers walk by. Oh, and made out a bit.

The clientele aside, the bathhouse itself was actually really nice and clean. It was surprisingly huge and empty, which means we probably just came on an off-night. I had assumed that the place would be dirty and the floors would be covered in mysterious liquids, but it was nothing like that. It felt like some sort of spa...with naked men having sex. Stereotype unconfirmed: bathhouses are not dirty.

We were both starving after our short stay, so we changed back and the lockers an headed to the lobby. The cashier seemed happy to see us again, but a little down that we were leaving so soon. I think he has been hoping for a show.

Bisecting Bisexuality

While perusing a well-liked internet forum today, I came across an interesting topic. The subject of the conversation was bisexuality and the prejudice that people often have for individuals who identify as such. Although I didn't personally find that the contributors had anything new or controversial to say, the thread did get me linking my thoughts, the thoughts of my friends and my personal experiences.

For those who hadn't realized or thought about it, a large proportion of gay and straight people do ridicule individuals who self-identify as bisexual. Often, bisexuals are dropped into either stereotyped category of 1) people afraid to simply say their gay, or 2) women who simply want attention from men. Why do people think that? Well, as said before they're stereotypes: although far from always true, they unfortunately do hold some truth for a lot of individuals. God knows, two female friends of mine used to love making-out for a greasy crowd of Italian clubbers.

Tim and Xav's opinions don't stray from the above viewpoint. They understand a person being attracted to the opposite sex and they get that a person can be attracted to the same sex, but the idea of attraction to two (or more than one gender) just doesn't make sense. If ever Xav's in earshot of someone saying "I heard [Guy's Bi]", he'll yell out:

BULLSHIT, HE'S GAY.

For the idea of a bisexual woman, he'll scream out:

BULLSHIT, SHE JUST WANTS ATTENTION.

I've thus far written out the matter-of-facts about hating on bisexuals, without putting my own thoughts in too much. Although I can't emotionally understand liking guys & girls, I believe that people can feel that way. It's not like I emotionally understand being straight, or that my straight friends emotionally understand being gay, but I recognize that existing so how can I really deny bisexuality. Unfortunately, all too often, I fall into thinking the same above stereotypes and a subtle prejudice against bisexuals.

If presented with a choice of dating 1 of 2 guys, whom are essentially twins in terms of looks and personality, except one is gay and the other's bi, I would choose the gay one. In fact, if they weren't twins at all, I would automatically be hesitant in pursuing the bisexual. Although I'm being prejudice by admitting that, I feel confident in expressing this. At least I aware I'm being unfair and that it's not right. I think the repulsions stems from my own insecurity: if I became involved with someone who's bi, I feel like he'd likely leave me for a woman because society makes it easier for him to follow his attraction to women over men.
(As a side note, I'd say that's why so few guys identify as bi either. People insecure about their sexuality would see themselves as being straight+gay. There's no advantage with being gay, so they'll hide that and that makes them straight and "normal").

It's kind of weird that I'm spewing all this out as theory, because I've known 2 bi guys and been involved with one of them.

The first one I had a love-hate friendship with, in my second year of university. In an attempt to get to know him better, since I thought he was really cute, I asked him all about himself and his bisexuality. He told me that it felt completely different, being with a guy or a girl. He said his attraction was equally and constant for both genders, but that when he got to university he pretty much exclusively only hooked up with guys because everyone around him immediately assumed he was gay when he said he was bi. None of the girls would consider him a potential date or hook-up and so he just went along with that. It bothered him that people would actually refer to him as gay. In all honesty, I was definitely one of those people. I considered him purely gay.

In reference to the 2nd bisexual, I actually dated him. If you're a WindsThatYouRise reader from the beginning, you might remember him as Guy from the Abandoned Building (oh no, I said I would never mention him again! Oh well.). We never really spoke much about his sexuality, but it was generally known by all his friends that he was bi. Actually, I'll take that back. As Xav worded it perfectly, it was known by everyone that "[Guy from the Abandoned Building] likes who he likes". There was no real distinction of sexuality - which is interesting, especially because Xav accepted his non-clarification of sexuality where as he would not accept someone self-declaring their bisexuality.

Although in the beginning I never knew whether Guy from the Abandoned Building was gay or not, the situation just cleared itself up on its own. Had I known he was something other than gay, straight from the beginning, I might have avoided him (as I referenced in the middle of this long post). I'm therefore glad I didn't know anything about him in advance.

Sorry guys, I'm losing focus so I can't bring this post to a nice neat conclusion. Um... don't hate on the two-gender lovers?

Pass-Out/Feet/DC&NewYork

Soooo...today I kind of almost passed out in yoga. I don't really know why...maybe I hadn't drank enough water since last time. Maybe I'm a little more tired than usual. Perhaps, it's because I had never gone to a session at this particular time and experienced the massive amount of heat that a small room gives off when packed with 40 bodies. Unattractive bodies to boot, unlike at my normal hot yoga sessions.

1 hour into the session, I just stayed lying down but my arms started to shaking a little and I felt like I was gonna lose it. I put my arm up, get the instructor's attention so that she comes over to me.

"I don't feel well. I would like to leave."

Yes, I have to ask to leave since they otherwise don't let you. No, I don't know how they would actually enforce that rule.

"What does it feel like?"

"It feels like the time I had heat stroke in Croatia"

"Okay, you can go."

And so I walked out to the lobby, with my tail between my legs, a feeling like a wuss since I couldn't take the heat (pun!).

On the plus side, I got to overhear a wonderful moment between some random guy, who was definitely missing a few marbles in the head, and the awesome multi-colored dyed hair lady who mans the desk. Have I mentioned I like that lady? Have I mentioned she has hair dyed blue, pink and yellow? Yaaa.....I'll assume you will understand the connection there.

Awesome Girl: "Hi, can I help you?"

Odd Guy:" Wjekjdje fkdsjhds dsas fkdkd flgtoiyt"
Motions to open the door to the yoga session, from which I had left.

Awesome Girl: "No, you need to wait until the session is done in 15 minutes before going in there"

Odd Guy: "Jiuurs aiirr isd booterrrull"

Awesome Girl "uuuhhhhhh.... *glances at me* I'm sorry, I don't understand."

Odd Guy: "Yoouurrr hhaaaiirr iiisstt Beeee-ootifuulllll."

Awesome Girl: *smile* "Um, thank you." *glances at me again*

Old Guy: "Caann I tooouch yooor feeeeetttt?"

Awesome Girl: "No. GET OUT OF HERE NOW."

The guy walks out quickly. Awesome Girl is trying to hold back a laugh. She then looks at me.

Awesome Girl: "I'll be right back..I..just need to go in here."
And she walks into the women's change room. Then I hear her almost choke to death with laughing...although I'm pretty sure there might have been a little (a lot) of disgust mixed in there.

Ah, such a wonderfully random.

--------

In unrelated news, I'm heading to Washington DC, New York and...apparently Baltimore, since Alicia wants to drive there. I didn't think the times could work out, but all the trains seem to be going in sync, so I'll be leaving Montreal Saturday and travelling all day, just so that I can be in DC by 2am. As it should be obvious, I'm gonna hang out with Alicia for 3 days, and then take the train to New York and stay there for 2 night on my own, before coming back to good ol' Canadia. I hope to smell like real Americana when I return: hotdogs and green 1 dollar bills ever-so-lightly doused in cocaine.

While in New York I'll be working in cafes, but also checking out some stuff...and by stuff, I mean I have no idea where to go or what to see. I don't have any friends there - or at least not anymore. One sure thing though: I will not see a Broadway Show, nor will I visit Time Square nor will I go to the Statue of Liberty. I think I'll want to check out the Gay Village...also called...Greenwich Village (?).
Side Note:I am notoriously bad at finding "gay areas" in cities I visit, so hopefully I'll find it in NY. This past summer, when I was in Vienna, I didn't even notice that my hostel was directly next to a gay nightclub, nor did I notice any guy-guy/women-women making out, which everyone else in the hostel did see. I even spent one day trying to look for the gay village there. I EVEN USED THE INTERNET AND I COULDN'T FIND ANYTHING.


I think I'll be good for "finding the gays" this time. I am almost sure there might be 1 or 2 gay people in the above boxed-in area, hahaha. It can't be that hard to pin-point 'em, right?.......RIGHT?

If you want any advice of what to see/where to go in New York, I would LOVE your advice.

You're a dominatrix? Can we be friends?

Since university, I've developed a strong interest in sexual perversion. Any oddity or uncommon things related to sex, gender, sexuality and fetishes really interest me. Ever since my first Sex Ethics class, where we talked about power in relationships, cross-dressing, domination, fetishes, homosexuality/bisexuality, I've just loved learning about what people do in the bedroom (or else where). I love just talking to people about what atypical things turn them on and catching a glimpse into their erotic world, which from my sexual perspective I don't understand or have no emotional attachment to. What could be more odd, interesting and funny than a guy who like to cry when masturbating because it turns him on? Tears a lubricant, hahaha. (Nope, I'm not making this up)

Before I continue, I think it's a good idea to clarify two things:
First, people tend to associate a negative connotation to the word perversion. I don't see anything bad with unusual or atypical behaviors related to the realms of sex. Perversion itself doesn't mean bad, just unusual or uncommon
Second, I'm fascinated by sexual perversion, however it doesn't mean at all that I want to try out any of these things. I consider myself pretty vanilla when it comes to sex and I'm pretty happy to keep it that way. Like I said, I find it interesting because it's the fact that someone else finds these things arousing.

I think my enthusiasm for the subject stems from wanting to glimpse into someone else's life and understand their perspective. Voyeuristic? Ya, I think so (of course I also download porn so this should be no big surprise there). To me it's natural fact that most people don't really understand each other. We all lead our own singular lives, so it's tough to grasp a person's history and thought process for why they might react in a particular fashion to a specific situation. I, myself, like to talk with people and understand their perspective though. It's fascinating to hear the differences between the view of someone else and my own, in reference to the same situation.

How people feel with regards to sex and sexual behavior is a natural extension all this. Everyone likes to talk about sex, anyways. I just prefer to ask a few deeper, more invasive questions than most.

Craigslist is definitely a fun source for glimpsing into someone's head. Protected my anonymity, people just type out their innermost desires and fetishes in hopes of other who are looking for the same. I love reading the adds and seeing what bizarre, from my viewpoint, things people find hot. Anonymous sex is already really interesting, but popular other entries are people looking for gang bangs, domination or "I'm not gay but..."

A current friendship I have with a girl was purely even sparked because of my interest in her sexual perversion: Tayla is an escort.
Finding out she works in the sex industry was a complete accident. We had hung out with mutual friends at a few parties, then one day I was walking through a park and overheard some girl on the street speaking with a potential client about what they want: it was the type of talk along the lines of "200$ for a blowjob...". When I was through the park and on the sidewalk, I actually saw the person's face who had been talking and I recognize Tayla. She also recognized me and made the connection I had overheard her. Long-story short, we were both shocked, we avoided each other, but eventually began talking about it since I was obviously super interested in asking her about it all.

These days, most of what we talk about are her tricks and funny requests from clients. She likes how I'm nonjudgmental and morally-neutral about it: I have a little bit of concern but I see it as her life and her choices. I'm actually really amazed by her whole job and life, but that's the topic for another post.

Some memorable lines from conversations I've had with people:
- "I think I'm falling in love with a woman" - Alicia
- "Sex with guys and girls is so different, but they're both really good. You should give it a try Thomas." - a past guy friend telling me this
- "I love dirty talk"
- "I really get turned on by touching my nipples, but only after doing exercise"
- "I think she's actually non-sexual. Not asexual, but just non sexual. She's has no sexual urges at all."
- "Can you guys just get over it? Ya, she was a dominatrix in university. Whatever."
- "I feel bad for her. She's transitioning from a man to a woman, but she still has 5 o'clock shadow."
- "It's an overwhelming urge to go to the bathroom and jack-off with these strangers."
- " And she put the ping pong ball in her vagina and clenched and shot it out at me! I loved every moment of it."
- "Ya, so she gets payed once a month to go to the man's house and piss on him."
- "They had all done so much drugs that one man was trying to shove his entire head into another guy's ass" - my ex-roommates' Dad saying this.
- "Maybe you want me to lick your feet?" - creepy stalker email I received, that made me fall out of my chair and almost die from laughter.

My life is weird and I love it like that.