Gay Ol' Time

We found our perfect spot in the sun at Tamtams, surrounded by the other few thousand people whom decided to make the park their relaxing sport for the afternoon. I had convinced my friends to pass by this amazing Portuguese chicken place I had been craving for a few days. Apparently only two of us were even going to order some takeout. The other two were vegan, vegetarian or something close to that. Ah yes, I should have know. You are queer women so stereotypes say you must be anti-meat. I apologize, I had forgotten.



We chatted about anything and everything while I ate my greasy chicken with my hands. My excitement for salty, spiced chicken had overruled the common sense of actually getting utensils, so this was my punishment. My friend, who also had ordered the chicken with me, even decided to forgo his unnecessary diet. Portuguese chicken can apparently also make a young, skinny, attractive-by-the-accounts-of-everyone gay male forget about his irrational need for the most cut abs ever. It's good stuff.

And so this was the first day in years I actually spent comfortably hanging out with a group of gay/lesbian/queer only friends

Unlike my other experiences with making or having gay friends (one recap here) everything felt normal and right with them. They talked about things I knew and liked. We joked around; they laughed at my rude & deprecating humor. I didn't feel awkward around my gay guy friend, as I do with others. I didn't feel like I was walking on eggshells with the two queer ladies. It was just so new and better than a few years back when I had a fay group of friends.

In hindsight it feels like a testament to how much I've changed. I actually felt normal around a group of gay friends.

After relaxing at the park, we just walked around Montreal, showing one of the girls the city that has only been her home for 1 week.

It was good.

Catching Up 2

Out of the blue, a few days ago, I got a message from my gay ex-roomie. It had been so long since we had last seen each other, so he was looking to hang out and catch-up. Although I still think we don't have much in common, I agreed to meet him at a bar to check how he was doing.

I had a pretty good time tonight with him. The conversation flowed well and it's good to hear things are going well with him.

The inevitable topic of "meeting people" came up and he asked how I was doing on the dating scene. My response was that I pretty much had no real luck. He admitted that he had thought in advance about what my answer to this question would have been. He honestly wasn't surprised that I hadn't been meeting people or going out to bars. He didn't understand how I could be so friendly outgoing but not "stepping up to the plate" with strangers. I explained to him my awkward feelings in bars on my own and that I go out to have fun with friends, as opposed to meeting random people. He seemed genuinely concerned for me and my future.

Him: "Have you ever really thought about it? You have fooled around with so few gay guy - you can even count them on your fingers!"

He continued saying that if I kept like this I wasn't going to be meeting anyone ever.

Obviously, his honesty didn't make me feel too good about myself. I kind of just shrugged it off, with no real answer.

Me: "I don't know. It'll happen when it happens", was the best I could reply.

After about 2 hours, I decided it was time to leave. I kind of felt like I had nothing else to say anyway. I got the same feeling from him.

We decided we would hang out in 2 weeks - or more like that he would give me a call. I still think we have very little in common as friends, but I would be up for going out to a gay bar/club with him. As I've said before: going with friends is very different than going alone. I have lots of fun when I'm there with at least a friend.

Part of me thinks he wants to hangout now because he's coming close to breaking up with his long-term boyfriend, as he explained. He does have the habit of losing touch with/ditching people just because he's dating someone. Another part of me thinks he wants to hangout because he feels pity for me. He wants me to have the chance of meeting someone, especially since I met my last real boyfriend 1.5 years ago through him.

Thinking about our conversation now and with his perspective on my situation, I feel down on myself. Great, thanks ex-roomie...

Either way, if he does call me: yay. If he doesn't: whatever.

Reminisce

My ex and I met up a while ago, to "have coffee and talk". Neither of us drinks coffee but we both like using the saying. It was really enjoyable: catching up on each others' happenings and reminiscing. We dated about a year and a half ago, and our break-up was more due to circumstance than one of us losing interest in the other. There were no hurt feelings in the end, so that didn't dampen the situation. We had a happy 3.5 months together.


Talking with him then, I realize that our personalities, lives and interests are so incredibly different. It was probably one of the points of why we were so into each other, but realistically it would probably have been a reason why we would later break up, if he had not moved away. He came from a hippy-family, all grown-up. By comparison, my family was the Anglo-Saxon stereotype. We sparked each others' interests because we found each other radical different. Openly out to his friends and family since 14 (!), queer people had been a normal family topic for him. For myself, I had never even gotten accustomed to my brothers even mentioning they had girlfriends in front of my parents, so when my ex wasn't bothered by public displays of affection (PDA), clearly I had something to learn and get used to.

Anyway, our conversation showed me that it was obvious to me we had little in common as friends. All his friends were very much gay, queer or some division under that umbrella. You should all realize by now that my own friends are pretty much all straight men and women. It was an actual utmost reminder that I've never personally understood people who have been able to remain friends with people they've had relationships with. I would love to still hangout with my ex, but we really have nothing to even talk about in terms of mutual likes. It wasn't like that when we were dating but now it was all different. By the end of our 50 minute talk, we were just done. Nothing else to share.


I do admire those people, especially the gay ones. I've said this once before: dating all the gay guys you know leads to never having any gay friends. It's true, although I wish it weren't so. Apart from being both guys and gay, my ex and I really had nothing else in common. Our interest, hangouts, ideas of good times don't overlap at all. It's unfortunate really, but at least I accept it.

With my previous group of gay friends, including my gay ex-roomie, we slowly stopped hanging out. I didn't get it at the time but it slowly became obvious. Beyond being gay, we just had nothing to say to each other (or at least that was true for me). As fun as it was to go to bars, drink and dance, if you have nothing to talk about it gets boring.

There are still a lot of fond memories of my ex and I, in my mind. I would love to post pictures of him, unfortunately I only have a handful and none of them do justice to his hotness. Shaved head with brown hair, green eyes, stubble if he chose to let it grow and a body that he didn't even realize was super fit and muscly. Really, a guy who doesn't realize how sexy, cute and perfect they are is the best kind. I would be lying if I didn't say I liked the sex, but also the general physical contact too. Just normal touching, hugging and physical contact makes me really happy.

Maybe I'm getting a bit to explicit for my own comfort, but I loved walking up to him and hugging his from behind. I would get an instant hard-on as I pressed my chest against his back, wrapping my arms around him and holding him close. My dick would be at the perfect height to slide up and down, between the curves of his ass. I could also kiss him on the shoulder and neck - starting from lower down and then moving up. That would always make him give this little moan that was so cute and such a turn on. He would turn his head around and I could kiss him on the lips, pushing my groin a little harder into his ass. Oh, that felt so good.
When lying down though, the feeling would be 10 times better.


He is the number 1 reason why I got comfortable with guys I am romantically linked to (the few at least). Public touching, kissing and talking about "gay things" were huge no-nos in my mind before. I would go into my "state of alert" when he used to kiss me on the cheek in public, just in case there was a potential threats nearby. I would always feel anxious when walking with him, as if people could see I was gay. After all, I definitely didn't want people to identify me as gay. But now...I just don't care. It's become normalized and relaxed with me, for the most part. There's no need to care (at least in this city). It's so much better now. As Alicia once told me:

"I'm so happy to be back in Montreal! In my first hour of being back in town, I got offered a free shot of tequila, had some guy offer my weed and then saw two guys making out on the street corner. Oh Montreal...

Eventually, my ex and I hugged and went our separate ways. He's a good person. I have no doubt he'll find someone good for him.

Finally.

Wow, it's been at least 2 weeks since I've reminisced about younger, gay me. The last post I wrote involved my unsuccessful attempts at making some gay friends, but I eventually end up meeting someone, whom I pretty much immediately began dating. You can find that post here.

Like with most dates and relationships, that one ended pretty quickly. He pretty much used me a threw me aside after a month. Looking back, I see now that we really had nothing in common other than wanting to take each others' clothes off. We never even left his apartment!

It was tough on me, to say the least. Not only did I go through losing my first luv (not love), but I also went from my first engaging, albeit superficial, connection to the gay world to being rejected and alone again.

Fast-forward the shitty summer of 2006 and I was back at university for my last year.

A little damaged from being used, but a little-less shy, I tried putting myself out-there even more. Into the beginning of October, I decided check out a Queer Conversation group hosted at my university, by the same Queer Group that I had found pretty useless and frustrating for the last 2 years. I didn't tell anyone I was going - not because it had to do with being gay but because I had the stereotype in my mind that only losers would go to anything like this.

By my thinking, it turns out I'm a loser because I was incredibly glad I went.

There I met 3 really cool guys and an awesome woman, with whom I got along really well. We formed our own mini-group and went out to The Village for plenty of nights of fun. They realized I had never gone there so they really enjoyed showing me all the good bars and clubs.

There was an unsaid recognition between us all that I was the baby of the group. In terms of age, they were all older than me: I was 21 and they were in the 24, 25, 30 and 41. In terms of personalities, I was (and am still) relatively immature. I was easily impressed with the whole Gay scene and was always interested by the gay-related things they talked about. They had all come to terms with their own sexualities long before (or in case of the 41 year old lesbian, very long before!) and were very comfortable with themselves. By contrast, I wasn't out to my closest friends, parents and still had some trouble talking about things related to my sexuality with other friends. This gay gang kind of acted like older siblings to me, because they understood I was still figuring myself out and getting comfortable. They also never wanted me to have a shitty time in the bars.

One of them in particular would become one of my future roommates, after the Christmas of that year.

Before we would be roommates, though, we would end up fooling around. I knew he was attracted to me when we first met. Personally, I wasn't into his looks but his confidence and personality. When we hung out, I felt relaxed with him and it was always a lot of fun. One night after heading home from the bar, I stopped by his apartment for food. One thing led to another and we made-out, the pants came off and I came all over his childhood teddy bear. I thought it was hilarious. He did not.

We would end up hooking up a few more times, but it was never serious. I made it clear that I wasn't looking for a relationship and he was Ok with that. I had learned the lesson that dating every gay person you get along with leads to not having any gay friends. Our fooling around would also become the run-on joke of our gay group.

I don't see any of them these days (which is the part to another story), but I have good, fond memories of them. They would definitely make that next year of my life fucking awesome.