Talking with him then, I realize that our personalities, lives and interests are so incredibly different. It was probably one of the points of why we were so into each other, but realistically it would probably have been a reason why we would later break up, if he had not moved away. He came from a hippy-family, all grown-up. By comparison, my family was the Anglo-Saxon stereotype. We sparked each others' interests because we found each other radical different. Openly out to his friends and family since 14 (!), queer people had been a normal family topic for him. For myself, I had never even gotten accustomed to my brothers even mentioning they had girlfriends in front of my parents, so when my ex wasn't bothered by public displays of affection (PDA), clearly I had something to learn and get used to.
Anyway, our conversation showed me that it was obvious to me we had little in common as friends. All his friends were very much gay, queer or some division under that umbrella. You should all realize by now that my own friends are pretty much all straight men and women. It was an actual utmost reminder that I've never personally understood people who have been able to remain friends with people they've had relationships with. I would love to still hangout with my ex, but we really have nothing to even talk about in terms of mutual likes. It wasn't like that when we were dating but now it was all different. By the end of our 50 minute talk, we were just done. Nothing else to share.
I do admire those people, especially the gay ones. I've said this once before: dating all the gay guys you know leads to never having any gay friends. It's true, although I wish it weren't so. Apart from being both guys and gay, my ex and I really had nothing else in common. Our interest, hangouts, ideas of good times don't overlap at all. It's unfortunate really, but at least I accept it.
With my previous group of gay friends, including my gay ex-roomie, we slowly stopped hanging out. I didn't get it at the time but it slowly became obvious. Beyond being gay, we just had nothing to say to each other (or at least that was true for me). As fun as it was to go to bars, drink and dance, if you have nothing to talk about it gets boring.
There are still a lot of fond memories of my ex and I, in my mind. I would love to post pictures of him, unfortunately I only have a handful and none of them do justice to his hotness. Shaved head with brown hair, green eyes, stubble if he chose to let it grow and a body that he didn't even realize was super fit and muscly. Really, a guy who doesn't realize how sexy, cute and perfect they are is the best kind. I would be lying if I didn't say I liked the sex, but also the general physical contact too. Just normal touching, hugging and physical contact makes me really happy.
Maybe I'm getting a bit to explicit for my own comfort, but I loved walking up to him and hugging his from behind. I would get an instant hard-on as I pressed my chest against his back, wrapping my arms around him and holding him close. My dick would be at the perfect height to slide up and down, between the curves of his ass. I could also kiss him on the shoulder and neck - starting from lower down and then moving up. That would always make him give this little moan that was so cute and such a turn on. He would turn his head around and I could kiss him on the lips, pushing my groin a little harder into his ass. Oh, that felt so good.
When lying down though, the feeling would be 10 times better.
He is the number 1 reason why I got comfortable with guys I am romantically linked to (the few at least). Public touching, kissing and talking about "gay things" were huge no-nos in my mind before. I would go into my "state of alert" when he used to kiss me on the cheek in public, just in case there was a potential threats nearby. I would always feel anxious when walking with him, as if people could see I was gay. After all, I definitely didn't want people to identify me as gay. But now...I just don't care. It's become normalized and relaxed with me, for the most part. There's no need to care (at least in this city). It's so much better now. As Alicia once told me:
"I'm so happy to be back in Montreal! In my first hour of being back in town, I got offered a free shot of tequila, had some guy offer my weed and then saw two guys making out on the street corner. Oh Montreal...
Eventually, my ex and I hugged and went our separate ways. He's a good person. I have no doubt he'll find someone good for him.
1 comment:
I hung out with an ex last month and I quickly realized why we didn't last...we are just too different. At first, this was a positive, but after a certain period of time, it just couldn't work.
Post a Comment