Boobies

Every so often, when I drink a huge amount of alcohol, I get inappropriate. I don't mean the normal verbally-rude or blatant shit-talker, nor the inconsiderate guest or flash-everyone-my-privates-inappropriate. Those are all quite fun and, by my friends' and my own standard's pretty normal. The type of inappropriate I'm talking about is when I start to molest my female friends' boobies.

It starts off innocuously: We're all laughing and drinking. One of my lady friends is sitting next to me or on me. Maybe I'm practicing my gangs signs (below). Everything is normal.


Then, when she least expects it, WHABAM - Hands all over boobs!


At first, it's all just a funny joke. Someone takes a picture and my friend isn't offended because she knows I'm gay so it's not like I'm getting off on all of this.

But, then my wandering hands keep going....And this is when everything gets fuzzy. I never remember fondling my friend's boobs. The alcohol and my poor inhibition control can be blamed for this. Typically, it's only the next day that someone informs me:
"You were going pretty wild all over her chest yesterday."

Of course, I feel bad when I hear this because if I can't remember ever doing it I wonder what else I can't remember, such as maybe the owner of said breasts yelling "Stop fucking molesting me!". I'm lucky, because that's never happened. Why hasn't it happened? Well I consistently always fondle 2 women's chests: the girl in the above picture and Liz. Liz tells me she has had to slap my hands away because I get too "investigative", but the other (nameless) girl seems to just go with it. Since we all know each other well, no police are called!

Naturally, I always do this with a crowd around. My straight guy and lady friends are always watching. Tim likes to remind me that he has even yelled out:
"God, why does he get to touch your boobs and not me!? I'm ssooooo good at it!"

Ironically, my friend in the picture above says plenty of straight guys can't touch her as well as I can, which honestly unsettles me a bit.

Kieran likes to remind me that most of the time when I start fondling the boobies, I use the line:
"This is only for empirical research!"

Forgetting about the potentially unfortunate molestation charges I could receive one day, I wonder why I do this? It's not like I want to experiment with women. When I figured out I was gay a long time ago, regardless of how closeted I was I didn't want to even try to fool around with the opposite sex. I don't think I get off on it - of course I'm also drunk enough that I never remember this happening. But honestly, I really doubt I'm looking for a titty-fuck...

For the time being, I've kind of reasoned that I do it just to entertain everyone else, since I love to get attention (in my situation of choosing) and I always want everyone to have fun. Hopefully I'll grow out of it or grow out of getting hammered, but really I doubt that second one will be happening soon.