We're driving back to the apartment.
Me: Oh Brewster McCracken, I'd vote for mayor.
Oldest Brother: With a name like that, who wouldn't?
Me: Not even John Mayer. Brewster McCracken for Jon Mayer.
Oldest Brother: Vote for you would be the best Jon Mayer.
We both laugh.
Seems like he's started to understand me.
I have 1 day left.
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Monday, March 23, 2009
A Letter I Will Not Send
I'm trying ****, I really am.
I don't talk just to fill the gaps and silence. I like to entertain myself and others - I do it for fun. Don't just give me single word replies, insinuating you don't care. I know you're capable of playing along in this fantastical world I make up on the spot. I understand that "I think I just saw that man feeding a Pizza Hut pizza to those cats" is not a genuine statement. The man probably just put down the box temporarily, while he dishes whatever can of food out to the cats. I get it. You don't need to say "There's probably a logical explanation that we just don't know about. You shouldn't assume". I'm not a fucking moron. What I said was made up. Your actual answer should have been along the lines "Holy shit, really!? Is he picking up the bread sticks for them too, since they don't have thumbs?" I'm joking around.
You are capable of that. I hear all your Skype conversations with your girlfriend. You two joke all the time about made-up things. It's all just for fun.
I'm not your girlfriend, and I definitely don't want to be, but why can't you just do that with me. Why can't you do that? I've hung out with your friends and acquaintances here. It's pretty much the same with them too. It's all observations and niceties between you and them. What about the nonsense-fun?
Maybe you haven't noticed, but I am making a genuine effort to engage you. I, otherwise, wouldn't have come all the way to Austin. What? Did you think I was just going to be here for the music festival and spend the most time possible trying to avoid you? I'm sure part of you did believe that's what I would do. That expectation of yours wasn't really unfounded either. Back home, I never would say much when you did drop-by. Maybe I'm crazy, but perhaps it's been different right this time around? Maybe I've been acting different? As much as I have loved going on my own adventures to hear all the random bands, I've also really enjoyed hanging out with you. The basketball game was great - neither of us have ever been or really even knew the rules, but it was a fun time. I've also been really keen on these climbing adventures with you and you know that. During our car rides, I speak because I WANT you to speak to me. So maybe it's time for you to drop "playing the good host" and just be relaxed.
Spurs vs Celtics, March 22nd, Row 11
I guarantee it is higher and harder than it looks.
We're all way too much like Dad, or at least that's what I think. You, ******* and me have always been the silent type around one-another, just like Dad is with us. It means we bond slowly, by just being within each other's presence. There's not much talk about feelings and there's never any mentions of relationships.
There's nothing particularly wrong with this, but you need to realize that I am trying to step beyond that. I'm sitting on my bed, facing you, while writing this. Your back is to me, on the other side of the room. We're both listening to Dan le Sac vs Scroobius Pip - his songs are oddly relevant to us. I'm tired right now, so I'm not going to attempt engaging you, just so that you can reply using generic statements of "Ya, I suppose so" and "Ah, that's interesting." For now, we'll bond in that old way, but know this: you and I don't need to be disconnected.
So for the last 4 days that I'm here, why don't you just give this a try:
For the sake of humouring me why don't you just go along with my tendency to take too many pictures with my camera.
For the sake of humouring me, why don't you not try to pre-plan my day.
For the sake of humouring me, why don't you just talk to me about nothing. Not something, nothing.
You might surprised. Maybe I have something I want to tell you.
I don't talk just to fill the gaps and silence. I like to entertain myself and others - I do it for fun. Don't just give me single word replies, insinuating you don't care. I know you're capable of playing along in this fantastical world I make up on the spot. I understand that "I think I just saw that man feeding a Pizza Hut pizza to those cats" is not a genuine statement. The man probably just put down the box temporarily, while he dishes whatever can of food out to the cats. I get it. You don't need to say "There's probably a logical explanation that we just don't know about. You shouldn't assume". I'm not a fucking moron. What I said was made up. Your actual answer should have been along the lines "Holy shit, really!? Is he picking up the bread sticks for them too, since they don't have thumbs?" I'm joking around.
You are capable of that. I hear all your Skype conversations with your girlfriend. You two joke all the time about made-up things. It's all just for fun.
I'm not your girlfriend, and I definitely don't want to be, but why can't you just do that with me. Why can't you do that? I've hung out with your friends and acquaintances here. It's pretty much the same with them too. It's all observations and niceties between you and them. What about the nonsense-fun?
Maybe you haven't noticed, but I am making a genuine effort to engage you. I, otherwise, wouldn't have come all the way to Austin. What? Did you think I was just going to be here for the music festival and spend the most time possible trying to avoid you? I'm sure part of you did believe that's what I would do. That expectation of yours wasn't really unfounded either. Back home, I never would say much when you did drop-by. Maybe I'm crazy, but perhaps it's been different right this time around? Maybe I've been acting different? As much as I have loved going on my own adventures to hear all the random bands, I've also really enjoyed hanging out with you. The basketball game was great - neither of us have ever been or really even knew the rules, but it was a fun time. I've also been really keen on these climbing adventures with you and you know that. During our car rides, I speak because I WANT you to speak to me. So maybe it's time for you to drop "playing the good host" and just be relaxed.
Spurs vs Celtics, March 22nd, Row 11 
I guarantee it is higher and harder than it looks.We're all way too much like Dad, or at least that's what I think. You, ******* and me have always been the silent type around one-another, just like Dad is with us. It means we bond slowly, by just being within each other's presence. There's not much talk about feelings and there's never any mentions of relationships.
There's nothing particularly wrong with this, but you need to realize that I am trying to step beyond that. I'm sitting on my bed, facing you, while writing this. Your back is to me, on the other side of the room. We're both listening to Dan le Sac vs Scroobius Pip - his songs are oddly relevant to us. I'm tired right now, so I'm not going to attempt engaging you, just so that you can reply using generic statements of "Ya, I suppose so" and "Ah, that's interesting." For now, we'll bond in that old way, but know this: you and I don't need to be disconnected.
So for the last 4 days that I'm here, why don't you just give this a try:
For the sake of humouring me why don't you just go along with my tendency to take too many pictures with my camera.
For the sake of humouring me, why don't you not try to pre-plan my day.
For the sake of humouring me, why don't you just talk to me about nothing. Not something, nothing.
You might surprised. Maybe I have something I want to tell you.
Sunday, March 22, 2009
Buck 65
Everything about Buck 65's stage presence makes me want to do him. His rapping skills, his awkward expressions and general geekiness - oh god, so hot.
Buck, please divorce your wife and leave Nova Scotia to live in Montreal.
Pretty please?
Thursday, March 19, 2009
SXSW First Day Update
Oh god my legs are sore and I am sunburned. It's great.
I was checking out all the SXSW music venues and bands for 8 hours today. I got really into a couple of acts - too bad they never said their names and I didn't try to plan out which bands to see.
My favorite music venue for music was handing out free beer all afternoon. The only thing that stopped me from going nuts was my promise to meet up with Older Brother after his work. I would have felt bad if I had been incoherent - so I held back and also took an hour to sober-up in a Whole Foods store. Mmmmm, I love potato salad.
Argh, so many hot guys here. Argh, so many not-so-hot people too. I felt like a perv today because I couldn't stop eyeing up this shirtless 18 (?) year old kid. Damn tattoos of his.
The acts and venues have been planed out for tomorrow, so I am ready for a world wind tour of Austin on my brother's bike. Passion Pit,K'Naan, Holy Fuck, Cold War Kids, Cut Off Your Hands, Peter Bjorn & John and others.
I've been trying to figure out how to talk to him on a friendship-level. He seems to bent on being a "good host" right now: showing me around Austin and giving me advice of what to see and where to eat. I've tried joking around about the normal nonsense I say, but he seems to just smile and nod. I suppose he's no used my personality or nonsense-humor style. I'm sure he'll eventually come around.
I was checking out all the SXSW music venues and bands for 8 hours today. I got really into a couple of acts - too bad they never said their names and I didn't try to plan out which bands to see.
My favorite music venue for music was handing out free beer all afternoon. The only thing that stopped me from going nuts was my promise to meet up with Older Brother after his work. I would have felt bad if I had been incoherent - so I held back and also took an hour to sober-up in a Whole Foods store. Mmmmm, I love potato salad.
Argh, so many hot guys here. Argh, so many not-so-hot people too. I felt like a perv today because I couldn't stop eyeing up this shirtless 18 (?) year old kid. Damn tattoos of his.
The acts and venues have been planed out for tomorrow, so I am ready for a world wind tour of Austin on my brother's bike. Passion Pit,K'Naan, Holy Fuck, Cold War Kids, Cut Off Your Hands, Peter Bjorn & John and others.
I've been trying to figure out how to talk to him on a friendship-level. He seems to bent on being a "good host" right now: showing me around Austin and giving me advice of what to see and where to eat. I've tried joking around about the normal nonsense I say, but he seems to just smile and nod. I suppose he's no used my personality or nonsense-humor style. I'm sure he'll eventually come around.
Monday, March 16, 2009
To Austin
Bright and early tomorrow morning, I will be on an airplane to glorius Austin, Texas/SXSW/visit oldest brother! I cannot wait for a bit of warmth, maybe even get [an extremely light] tan, enjoy some music and catch up with my nameless family member. I'm a little bummed that I'm spending St. Patrick's day in airports. Traditions has all my friends getting together and going wild. Oh well, I guess the low-cost plane ticket was worth it.
When I told the guys about my trip, Xav yelled out straight away:
Oh man, SXSW? You're gonna get so much ass!
Surprised by that comment, I gave him an odd look with:
You know you're talking about me right? The guy who notoriously unsuccessful at hooking-up or dating anyone?
Looking away in thought, his response was:
Oh ya.
I'm not gonna lie though - the idea is on my mind. Even last's night's dream was relevant. It was me and some kid from Manitoba talking, and all I was thinking in the dream was that he would shut up and we'd fool around. So we did. And then we attacked some people and ate some brains because we were also coincidentally zombies. Did I forget to mention this dream was only mildly relevant to me being horny? OK, maybe ever-so slightly relevant...
I have no idea how this could potentially happen since I've also stereotypes Texas to be pretty unfriendly toward gays. Two guys making out at a concert here? Somewhat normal. Two guys going tongue-to-tongue there? Hey, let's go find a shotgun...
I haven't forgotten about the more important purpose of this trip though. I'm gonna get comfortable talking with Oldest Brother. Try to figure out how to make us reconnect, per se, and I am going to tell him I'm gay.
Honestly, I haven't really thought about how the situation will work out, but I just feel really confident. If you're a longtime reader, you know that none of my family knows I'm gay. This would therefore the first step.
Ya know what? I feel so ready for this.
Sunday, March 15, 2009
Strange Antics
As you might be able to tell, I'm making up for the not-so-much posting I've done this last week and the most likely not-so-much posting I will be doing this next week. I'm catching up because I like to keep up my general record of 20-30 posts a month.
If one recalls, I'm currently all alone at my parents' house. They have gone down to Florida for a month, leaving me free, comfortable and alone here. Ah, to walk around in my boxers/boxer-briefs again without weird glares.
Well, my Dad recently made an appearance back in Montreal. Apparently, something went haywire at the university, so he has needed to fly back here and step in for a week.
As rude as it is, when I arrived back home to find him watching TV one evening, I felt like he was an invader in my territory. How dare he show his face in MY home! Ya, it's actually their house...but I was so enjoying feeling like the master of my space!
Over the last few days he has made his presence known in the house, in ways that only he can provide: I constantly find butter covering the floor, cabinet handles and door handles. It's impossible for anyone to really make sense about this, whether its you strangers/the readers of this blog or whether it's me/his own family. Apparently though, when he butters his bread, it tends to go all over his hands (or fall onto the floor) and he feels the best way to wash it off is to wipe it onto any convenient edge.
I'm.....I'm kind of angry, but....I'm just mostly...speechless.
...
WHY THE FUCK WOULD ANYONE DO THIS!?
I'd like to say that I wonder about him, but I think I'm quite beyond that at this stage.
If one recalls, I'm currently all alone at my parents' house. They have gone down to Florida for a month, leaving me free, comfortable and alone here. Ah, to walk around in my boxers/boxer-briefs again without weird glares.
Well, my Dad recently made an appearance back in Montreal. Apparently, something went haywire at the university, so he has needed to fly back here and step in for a week.
As rude as it is, when I arrived back home to find him watching TV one evening, I felt like he was an invader in my territory. How dare he show his face in MY home! Ya, it's actually their house...but I was so enjoying feeling like the master of my space!
Over the last few days he has made his presence known in the house, in ways that only he can provide: I constantly find butter covering the floor, cabinet handles and door handles. It's impossible for anyone to really make sense about this, whether its you strangers/the readers of this blog or whether it's me/his own family. Apparently though, when he butters his bread, it tends to go all over his hands (or fall onto the floor) and he feels the best way to wash it off is to wipe it onto any convenient edge.
I'm.....I'm kind of angry, but....I'm just mostly...speechless.
...
WHY THE FUCK WOULD ANYONE DO THIS!?
I'd like to say that I wonder about him, but I think I'm quite beyond that at this stage.
Hipster Chronicles
Hipster Chronicles - Entry #427
Sunday March 15th, 2009
Dear Wanna-Be Hipster Diary,
I feel like I'm getting closer and closer to my goal. Just today, when my haircutter was styling my hair, he said "There, now you're hair has that indie-feel." O-M-G, I almost jumped up and kissed him, but I luckily remembered to suppress my visible emotions. I know! I didn't forget my hipster training AND I look even more the role. I was so deck.
But wait, there's more!
I then found and bought my first-ever pair of skinny jeans. This is so amazing, because I've been feeling so lost without them - I mean, what type of hipster wears normal pants? Exactly, they've been laughing at me for months, calling me midtown. Well now I've upped my game and I blend in perfectly!
I called up my friend to tell her how I'm getting closer and closer to hipsterdom and all she could say was "Oh God what have you unleashed!?". What a great compliment, eh?
I wanted to show her exactly what I looked like by taking photos of myself, but then my camera died. What shitty luck... so I instead listened to AIDS Wolf while chain smoking to make myself feel better.
I love talking with you wanna-be hipster diary. You're the only one that understands how hard it is to try this hard.
Love,
Thomas.
PS: See you tomorrow!
--------
Sunday March 15th, 2009
Dear Wanna-Be Hipster Diary,
I feel like I'm getting closer and closer to my goal. Just today, when my haircutter was styling my hair, he said "There, now you're hair has that indie-feel." O-M-G, I almost jumped up and kissed him, but I luckily remembered to suppress my visible emotions. I know! I didn't forget my hipster training AND I look even more the role. I was so deck.
But wait, there's more!
I then found and bought my first-ever pair of skinny jeans. This is so amazing, because I've been feeling so lost without them - I mean, what type of hipster wears normal pants? Exactly, they've been laughing at me for months, calling me midtown. Well now I've upped my game and I blend in perfectly!
I called up my friend to tell her how I'm getting closer and closer to hipsterdom and all she could say was "Oh God what have you unleashed!?". What a great compliment, eh?
I wanted to show her exactly what I looked like by taking photos of myself, but then my camera died. What shitty luck... so I instead listened to AIDS Wolf while chain smoking to make myself feel better.
I love talking with you wanna-be hipster diary. You're the only one that understands how hard it is to try this hard.
Love,
Thomas.
PS: See you tomorrow!
--------The only 3 relevant, true(ish) details are:
yes I did get that haircut,
I do now own skinny jeans
and I actually did try to take a picture with my looking as hipster as possible. How sad/wonderful!
And no, I don't normally actually know those hipster linked-words. The internet showed me those. I would shoot myself in the eye before I ever used those words or became friends with someone who used them.
yes I did get that haircut,
I do now own skinny jeans
and I actually did try to take a picture with my looking as hipster as possible. How sad/wonderful!
And no, I don't normally actually know those hipster linked-words. The internet showed me those. I would shoot myself in the eye before I ever used those words or became friends with someone who used them.
Wet Dreams
Groups of friends should instigate more dinner parties. I'm talking about the make-the-food-at-home and invite everyone over, so talk, drink, eat and laugh together for an evening. I feel really good that mine went so well yesterday.
Here's the best comment of the night:
Tim: You think that's awkward? You don't know awkward! I still have wet-dreams! I am a 23 year old grown man, and I get wet dreams! In fact, when I was in Vancouver with my family this fall and we shared a bed one night, I had a wet dream. So in the middle of the night I had semen going down my leg, while sharing a bed with my Mom and sister. YOU DON'T KNOW AWKWARD AT ALL!
Mike: !!!
Liz: !!!
Xav: !!!
Me: !!!
[Mike's and Tim's Girlfriends]: !!!
All of us: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
Here's the best comment of the night:
Tim: You think that's awkward? You don't know awkward! I still have wet-dreams! I am a 23 year old grown man, and I get wet dreams! In fact, when I was in Vancouver with my family this fall and we shared a bed one night, I had a wet dream. So in the middle of the night I had semen going down my leg, while sharing a bed with my Mom and sister. YOU DON'T KNOW AWKWARD AT ALL!
Mike: !!!
Liz: !!!
Xav: !!!
Me: !!!
[Mike's and Tim's Girlfriends]: !!!
All of us: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
Saturday, March 14, 2009
Laughing To Myself
While I was showering this afternoon, I burst out laughing from remembering how I tackled my lady-friend in a bar, yesterday, and began humping her, while lying on the floor.
Two days go, I literally could not stop laughing for 15 minutes because I thought up the lamest/most wonderful joke, while showering.
I can distinctly remember two months ago when my laughing was so loud and long, that my Mom confronted me after I showered because she thought I was crying.
I love that I get so easily entertained by my own thoughts. Like you probably noticed, I chose examples of only showering because that's a moment I have just about everyday in which my mind doesn't get focused on anything in particular, so it has the chance to just wander. This doesn't only happen when I'm cleaning myself - my mind thinks up these hilarious and weird situations all the time when I'm doing really mundane stuff: washing the dishes, making lunch, riding the bus. There is no doubt in my mind that I've been pegged as the crazy dude on the bus a few times, when I start chuckling to myself for no visible reason.
This post isn't going on any real trajectory. I just felt like saying that I am really thankful for these ways I keep myself so entertained and in good humor. I would hope everyone does this.
Two days go, I literally could not stop laughing for 15 minutes because I thought up the lamest/most wonderful joke, while showering.
I can distinctly remember two months ago when my laughing was so loud and long, that my Mom confronted me after I showered because she thought I was crying.
I love that I get so easily entertained by my own thoughts. Like you probably noticed, I chose examples of only showering because that's a moment I have just about everyday in which my mind doesn't get focused on anything in particular, so it has the chance to just wander. This doesn't only happen when I'm cleaning myself - my mind thinks up these hilarious and weird situations all the time when I'm doing really mundane stuff: washing the dishes, making lunch, riding the bus. There is no doubt in my mind that I've been pegged as the crazy dude on the bus a few times, when I start chuckling to myself for no visible reason.
This post isn't going on any real trajectory. I just felt like saying that I am really thankful for these ways I keep myself so entertained and in good humor. I would hope everyone does this.
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