Tuesday, March 10, 2009

They're Taking Over


It is my civic-blogger duty to expose a truth to you all. Thus far, I feel like I'm to only one to have caught onto this. The more I think about it though, the more is makes clear sense. Why have others not realized it either? I'm not sure, but I think this might be a giant, music industry conspiracy. I'm not gonna beat around the bush anymore, I'm just gonna say it:

Lady Gaga is a robot.

Ya, ya, her music is very catchy and clearly going for pop mega-stardom. You can hear it everywhere (of course I've refused to download it, since willingly listening to popular music would go against the creed of the wanna-be-hipster). But you need to look past that computer enhanced, or dare I say computer-originating, voice. In fact, if you go to Youtube, you type in Lady Gaga Talks, you'll she her accent continuously changes between American, British and Northern European. Perhaps the robot is still mastering the English language?

Maybe it's only clicking in your head right now. I mean, have you seen her? Ignoring the fact that her name is indeed LADY GAGA, which is clear evidence she was made and christened in Japan or South Korea, she looks like a freaking robot! Fixed mouth. Clothing that never wrinkles or even changes shape. Immovable hair. Skin unaffected by sunlight. Sweat less.


At first I thought she might have been made from ceramics (case in point below), but that would have been a pretty big design flaw for the Japan/S.Korea.


Plastic is the obvious answer. When the camera crews go home and the lights are out, they switch up her style by removing her head and chest plate, and attach on new pieces. She's the next trendy level of the Mr./Mrs. Potato Head.


The great ruin of the music industry began a long time ago when the big companies decided to manufacture bands, but this steps it up a notch. Instead of using actually people they've just caved to building actual robots. I suppose it makes sense: they don't get tired, they can keep signing, they can churn out albums like Mormon-polygamists churn out babies.

I'd think her sexy mannerism and demeanor are all just programming too. If the clothes came off we'd mostly like see just a plastic covering where the crotch should be (think Barbie) or maybe a smoke pipe, spewing out gasoline fumes from her 6 cylinder engine (maybe if she were to break into a brisk run she could achieve a good 140km/h. The Japanese do make good cars). Just look at the poor Model Guy below. He looks psychologically wounded at the prospect at having to fool around with Lady Gaga.

If you still need some subtle hinting that she's made in a warehouse, HER PLASTIC SIBLINGS ARE ACTUALLY STANDING AROUND HER IN THE ABOVE PHOTO.

Still, if you need to more proof, just click the below link to the YouTube video for Poker Face.

Everything about the video is trying to tell the watcher that she's made of plastic and wiring. I like to think a bunch of the filming team were trying to warn the masses about It's true identity. I'd bet that same crew can now be found at the bottom of some river.
LADY GAGA DOES NOT FORGIVE.

Come one people! We need to ban together against the rise of the machines! The music industry is undoubtedly only the beginning!

2 comments:

JUSTIN said...

I can honestly say I have never heard her music, and if I have I had no idea it was her/it. She does have a certain "Vikci" from Small Wonder quality about her. What's that you say? I'm aging myself with references to early 1980's American TV. I need to hide now...

Thomas said...

Although I wouldn't have brought up the fact I'm born in 1985, thanks for being one step ahead of me.
According to Wikipedia though, this "Small Wonder" was "widely considered one of the worst low-budget sitcoms of all time."

Haha, now I have to watch it.