Coming Out to Xav

Continuing from the previous post of Coming Out to Tim, this post will focus on my coming out to Xav. I read over the Tim-post and decided to add some pictures of him - because pictures are fun and he's not exactly bad on the eyes. I'll include some pics here and in the future Mike post, again because they're pretty good looking guys (yes, I'm trying to word the compliment in the straight-guy-way-of-complimenting-other-guys) and pictures make it more fun to read the post.

The positive reaction from Tim, when I was outed to him, would probably encourage most people to then come-out to their other closest friends. They might feel that if one took it so well the others will probably follow suit. Well...I didn't really look at it like that. Even with Tim encouraging, or actually more like reminding me that I need to tell Xav and Mike, I didn't move forward. I was still stuck. Stuck just because I hadn't done anything before, when Tim found out I was gay.

Xav at the remnant of the bus graveyard

Xav, being the eclectic, open-minded, generally relaxed and cool kid that he is, should have been no problem for me to tell. In my conversations with Tim, I told him that I was 50-50 on the fence for whether Xav already thought or knew I was gay. I met Xav in CEGEP, a little before I was outed to my big group of CEGEP friends. Although Xav knew some of those friends from the start, he didn't like most of them. He easily could have heard the rumors, or more like truths, about my sexuality, but his character would automatically make it that he wouldn't be the first to talk about it since part of the rumour/truth is that I was indeed very uncomfortable with myself - he's cool like that.

Tim wondered why I didn't just get to balls to tell Xav. Well, I was afraid. Like with all three of them, I was afraid that things would change. They wouldn't treat me like before and we wouldn't be as close. Pretty much the standard theme of my being closeted.


Anyway, one day I just took the indirect plunge. When surrounded by Tim, Xav and a bunch of friends who already knew I was gay, I dropped obvious gay innuendos when I was sure Xav was listening:

Person: What do you think about [some Hollywood babe]?

Me: Why would I care about her?

I did that for one or two weeks actually. Yep, I took the "never say it directly and assume everything is OK" route. There's nothing particularly bad about that, but when it comes to one of your closest friends, I should have been able to directly say it all.

Anyway, one day when Tim, Xav and I were hanging out on our own, I just looked at Xav and asked:

Me: Did you know I was gay?

Without a pause, Xav just looks at me and responds in his normal relaxed voice.
Xav: Pretty much, ya.

Me: Since when?

Xav: Well, for 2 years whenever guys would talk about women you wouldn't say much. So I just assumed. You seemed pretty awkward about sex and sexuality anyway, so I decided it would be best if I just wait for you to talk to me first about it.

He was right. In highschool, I would bother with all the lying of "I think she's hot" and "Man, I love it when a girl licks right up the shaft", but in CEGEP I just stopped giving a fuck about that.

Me: Oh...OK...

Xav: Don't worry man, I love the gays....wait, I mean I'm not in love with the gays but I love the gays......uh, whatever. You know what I mean.

Me: heh, ya...

The background should be familiar

Obviously, we spent some time then going over the standard homosexuality questions. Tim joined in too, since he had a lot more things to ask. I know he didn't want me to know, but Tim was pretty happy that Xav now officially knew. He could now talk about me being gay with another person who also knew me. There's nothing wrong about it - everyone wants to be able to asks other peoples' opinions about things. I'm sure Tim needed to vent about certain things related to me, however he couldn't say it directly to me.

So another 1/3rd of my anxiety related to my friends reactions to me being gay was gone. Xav acted very much like himself around me and our friends straight from the start. For a time, like with Tim, he would become more comfortable with my queerness more than I would. Of all my friends today, he's also my biggest supporter and avid "Hey, I think you could score with that guy" wingman. As he has said many times since, "I love the gays".

Now only Mike was left.