A Good Push

My outlook on being gay was much more positive when I began university. I wasn't comfortable actually telling any potential friends immediately, but I knew that I would eventually tell those I cared about. If you recall my posts about coming out in CEGEP, you should realize that I knew people could accept me for who I am, however I also learned the harsh lesson that some people don't take it immediately well and others care nothing for your well being.

Alicia was one of the most important people in my university life. Oddly enough, I've only briefly mentioned her once in this blog. One day in an undergrad class of 800 students, she would wave to me from 10 rows down and try to get me to sit next to her. She would eventually walk up to me and for every other lesson of that course we would write messages on a paper to each other, while occasionally listening to the professor. It's not hard to guess she went out on this limb for a stranger because she thought I was hot. Obviously, I wouldn't go for it but this would spark our friendship. She would call us BFFs and I would cringe every time I heard that acronym because it makes me think of stupid 13 year old girls.


After a term and summer of knowing one another, I would eventually tell her I was gay. I was nervous about saying it, although nothing in the caliber of my first coming-out. In fact, I kind of said it "in-passing" in a biology lab, so as the minimize my nervousness:

Alicia: Wow, this poriferan [sponge] is really cool looking.

Me: Ya, look at its spicules. By the way, I'm gay.

Alicia: Nice...wait, what?

Over the next two and a half years, Alicia would really become one of my closest female friends. She would push my queer-comfort boundaries so that I could speak more easily about things. I would actually consistently start opening up about my insecurities, worries and even my thoughts about which guys I considered attractive. Not all the time, but it was a positive start. For me, talking about my fears or saying a guy was hot was a such a big no-no. Before, voicing those things had always made myself feel emasculated, whinny and unworthy. Unworthy of what? I didn't even know, but I would somehow feel diminished as a man. Alicia, however, just made it feel normal and good.

Alicia would also force me to face being gay in front of other. No, she wouldn't ask me wear tight pink shirts and fake a high-pitched voice. She would however constantly force me hang out with her 6000 friends. Here's when I'd learn to be friendly with most types of strangers without feeling the need to mask myself behind heterosexual stereotypes. I would just be me and everything would be alright. More than a few times we would also make mad dashes to her laptop to check Facebook on whether some guy we had both just met was straight or gay.

Knowing my luck, the guy was always straight.

This wasn't a one-way relationship either. I would go above and beyond to help Alicia with her problems. At minimum, I would be the shoulder for her to cry on. Her story isn't mine to tell, so I will leave it at that.


These changes wouldn't happen quickly, but they would slowly dig themselves under my skin. Thank to Alicia, my indoctrination into hipsterism, building-climbing, winter-time adventures, potlucks and going trigger-happy with shitty digital cameras would also happen. I can even add onto that my saying she was responsible for cutting my hair for a year, convincing me to adopt Giant African snails and for my Mom falling in love with her.
Yup, definitely BFFs. *cringe*

It sucks that she chose to go to Med school in Sydney, Australia, but we still skype each other from time to time and exchange lots of Facebook messages and pokes. She should be coming back to US/Canada for the Australian summer break (Dec-Feb), so it'll be fun to see her then. She also loves to remind me that I broke her heart by being gay.


Australia better be treating her well - OR ELSE.