It's probably a good thing not to be able to specify these characteristics. Of course, if you're good at analyzing writing, you should realize that I've gone a bit out of my way NOT to let any of you know what physical traits I find hot.
To put a curve in the direction of this post, I've come to realize that there are a few very random things that I find extremely attractive. I guess we could call them fetishes, but I really wouldn't give these things that much "sexual power". They're mostly little traits or things that are completely irrational. They don't really even relate to the shape or look of one's own body, but if I see that a person has one of them, there's a 75% chance that I'll like them, regardless of anything else.
I think it would a lot more fun to write about these so here we go:
IRRATIONAL THINGS THOMAS FINDS ATTRACTIVE
Bikers with pant legs rolled up
In case you didn't know, bikers roll up one side of their pants, to avoid the loose fabric from being pulled into the chain ring and ripped apart.
Whenever I see someone with one (or both) pant legs rolled up, I just want to become their best friend and start touching them inappropriately. It might be because I equate biking to being fit and athletic. Or maybe I have a fetish for hipsters? Or maybe I'm trying very hard to be a hipster, who knows...but weird, eh? (Canadian colloquialism!)
Hair Dyed an Unnatural Colour
This one has been back with me since I was in CEGEP. I just love seeing guys with hair dyed an unnatural colour. None of that blond, brown or black colouring crap. I mean bright red, blue or green. Highlights and frosted tips are decent, but the whole head is really what catches my eye. I myself had blue hair a few years ago...which quickly turned green....and then yellow/green...and then hideous.
I have had to hold myself back once from just grabbing a guy on bus and making-out with him, just because his head was dyed a perfect red/orange/yellow. It looked like his head was on fire... and apparently I find that attractive.
Clearly, this "fetish" kicks in when I'm walking by punk kids. I've even wanted to get up and close with a few women because of their hair.
I have had to hold myself back once from just grabbing a guy on bus and making-out with him, just because his head was dyed a perfect red/orange/yellow. It looked like his head was on fire... and apparently I find that attractive.
Clearly, this "fetish" kicks in when I'm walking by punk kids. I've even wanted to get up and close with a few women because of their hair.
Handkerchief-scarf or Keffiyeh-like scarf
My first reaction to seeing someone wear one was annoyance: "great, some other stupid indie/hipster trend" ... so naturally I had to jump aboard that train! Unfortunately, yes, I am human and also subject to trends. I've never bought either but now when I see someone with it, I feel the invisible attractive force pulling me toward them.
Since it is now Fall in the northern hemisphere, these scarf-variations are popping up everywhere so I'm having a little more trouble concentrating when walking downtown.
Since it is now Fall in the northern hemisphere, these scarf-variations are popping up everywhere so I'm having a little more trouble concentrating when walking downtown.
Saying the word "Inclusive" out loud
When a guy says the word inclusive, I automatically can't help but think that he's really nice and thoughtful - the kind of person who makes sure everyone in the group is having a good time; the kind of person that thinks about others first; the kind of person I want to feel-up.
The context in which the word is used doesn't even matter. A guy could probably say "let's be inclusive to rabies" and I would probably really like him anyway.
When a guy says the word inclusive, I automatically can't help but think that he's really nice and thoughtful - the kind of person who makes sure everyone in the group is having a good time; the kind of person that thinks about others first; the kind of person I want to feel-up.The context in which the word is used doesn't even matter. A guy could probably say "let's be inclusive to rabies" and I would probably really like him anyway.
------
If I ever run into a person, with one pant leg folded up, wearing a handkerchief-scarf, with blue hair, who happens to utter the word inclusive, I think I would cream my pants on the spot. Don't worry, I would have no shame about it and I would feel obliged to inform you all.
On a final note, if any of readers out there happen to have all of these traits, please marry me.
On a final note, if any of readers out there happen to have all of these traits, please marry me.
2 comments:
I must agree with you in regards to thinking "hipster-bikers" are hot, but less so because of the rolled up pants (although I do enjoy the sight of a muscly calf). But mostly because they usually a) have nice asses), b) tight jeans and c) are sorta bending over.
PS _ used to die my hair bright red and blue back in high school. How ironically "patriotic".
I definitely agree about tight-pants/butt hotness but it seemed much too normal and understandable to write about. Who wants to hear about stuff that doesn't make me look crazy?
And, oh baby, red/blue hair. I'm sorry Justin, but now I irrationally like you.
Post a Comment