Mary, we need to talk

I feel bad that we haven't seen each other in so long. I know, I know, it's been 10 months. I should make more of an effort to see you...it's just that I never find myself in the mood to.

No! No, I don't mean it like that. I DO appreciate you. Maybe not over the first few years, but the rare times we see each other these days are always memorable and fun. Come on, remember last time? I never would have thought I'd end up waking up in a random girl's bed, covered in carrot bits. Apparently I had enough energy to chew the carrots but not to actually swallow them.

The problem is that sometimes it can be a little awkward. You know what I mean...I'm not too sure how to handle you sometimes. Do I just take a big puff or do I just breath easy and pass on. Listen to me, I'm just being honest about what I believe.

I also feel like I need to tell you something. Well, Mike - you know Mike, right? Ya, well, 2 months ago he kind of set me up with... Ya, exactly...

I'm...I'm sorry. It was just so easy though. What would you do if your friend came up to you with everything all ready? No mess, no fixing or rolling? Exactly, you know I don't really know how. I've been riding the free train ever since the beginning so I have no idea what parts to even cut up or roll.

HEY, just because I'm 23 years old and I've never actually rolled my own joint doesn't make me a baby! Yes, I'm embarrassed that I cough like a lung-cancer patient when I take a puff, but if you're just going to be an asshole like that then I'm just going to stick to my shisha. At least she understands me a whole lot better than you AND I never cough with her. SO smooth and delicious. That's right, I'm thinking about her right now! She even gets peoples' pants off for me!

If it's going to be this way then, I need to tell you something too. You and your stinking green, dried up buds have been sitting in my desk for the last 10 months. I put you in a plastic bag, but now your smell seems to have seeped out so all my paper and work books smell like weed. What the hell is up with that? DO you think I can go meet client now, with my notepads smelling like drugs? If I ever try to reach for my calculator now, I get a giant, wonderful-smelling whiff of the Mary Jane. How am I suppose to keep working like this? Even the cat has noticed! She likes to sit next to your bag and get high off the fumes!

What am I going to do with you...

I guess I could smoke you, but that means having to put the effort into learning to roll and all that. Of course, it's a "valuable" skill but I would need to get over my laziness. Haha, I find it funny that I think about you once a week, and that I should just get you done with, but then 3 minutes later I forget you're even in my desk. Hmmm, I don't even know if weed is still even good after 10 months...