Feeling like this isn't bad, but it does remind me that I'm not currently seeing anyone. It's not that I regret being single - my self esteem doesn't really come from dating/being in a relationship. I consider myself a pretty happy guy, whether I'm single or seeing someone. But I think you all understand that feeling you have, when you know someone likes you and you're seeing them. There's a recognition of something similar in the both of you. I'm having trouble expressing in words what I mean...it's like a feeling of having a little extra. You're not lacking anything when you're single, but when you're with another person there's, like, a little more of everything. It's not love specifically, since I think that develops with time. It's more like closeness and sharing.
I think my state relates a lot to missing the intimacy and the comfort of being with another guy:
Myself and the other guy spooning on the couch, with the sides of our faces touching. Feeling the tiny stubble against my cheek and the warmth of his skin, as we slowly rub our faces together. Our legs are intertwined and our socks are off so we can feel each our bare feet. One of us has his arms around the other. We can feel each others' heart beats. One turns around to kiss the other. Small little pecks across the face and a longer kiss on the lips. One turns into two and then three and four. A hand slides up and down over the chest. The big spoon slowly rocks into the little spoon. We cradle like a single person. Nothing but whispers and sighs. It doesn't have to turn into anything else. Everything in the world seems perfect for just that moment.
That is what I miss.
1 comment:
And here I was just beginning to get over losing that...sigh.
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